she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
