recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
