So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
