he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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