the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize