I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
