I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
