he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
