I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
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