Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize