I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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