i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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