Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
