well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
