Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
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I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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