margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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