afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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