someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
