I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
