and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
