I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize