im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
40s are totally the cure
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
