I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.