i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.