Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
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