But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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