you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
