1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
