My underwear smells like fireworks.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
