i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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