I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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