it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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