i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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