just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
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She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize