do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
