PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
