you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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