It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
