I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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