Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
