Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
