woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
