I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
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He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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