Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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