ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
