i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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