you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
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hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize