I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
