never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
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Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
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I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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