I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
