So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
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i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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