mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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