Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
