I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
