the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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