i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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