it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
