Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
