she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
